NOTE: This Play Guide may contain mild spoilers about the story of the show. If you like to be completely surprised by the play, you may wish to wait until after seeing it to read the Play Guide.

A Christmas Story

by Erin Murphy

» The Story: A brief synopsis of A Christmas Story
» Who’s Who: Characters in the play
» Feature: Toying with Safety


The Story

In the midst of the holidays, middle-aged Ralph Parker finds himself reminiscing about the Christmas of 1938. Ralphie, as he was known then, wants just one thing for Christmas: the Red Ryder 200-Shot Carbine Action Range Model Air Rifle. Throughout the play, he fantasizes about rescuing his family and friends with his trusty gun, but when he mentions the gun to his mother, she insists, “You’ll shoot your eye out.” Nonetheless, Ralphie is determined he will receive the BB gun for Christmas.

As Ralphie, his younger brother Randy, and his friends Flick and Schwartz walk to school, they encounter the gruesome neighborhood bully, Scut Farkas, who gives Flick a painful arm-twist. Flick’s bad luck continues at recess when he accepts Schwartz’s “double dog dare” challenge to press his tongue against a frozen lamppost, and Flick is immediately glued to the pole. A huge crowd of adults gather to help free him.

Later, after the Parker family makes a trip to buy a Christmas tree, their car gets a flat tire. While Ralphie helps his father, “The Old Man,” change the tire, Ralphie accidentally says a curse word, and his mother sticks soap in his mouth when they arrive home. Ralphie lies in bed that night fantasizing about showing his guilt-ridden parents that he has gone blind from soap poisoning.

The next day, Ralphie concocts a plan. First, he will collect dozens of Red Ryder Air Rifle advertisements and sneak them into the mailbox for his parents to see. Second, he will write a theme paper about the gun to convince his teacher, Miss Shields, to take his side. To clinch his master plan, Ralphie will ask Santa Claus at Goldblatt’s department store for the BB gun.  However, Ralphie’s plan doesn’t appear to work. His parents throw away the daily barrage of ads. He receives a C-plus on the theme, and both Miss Shields and the department store Santa say, “You’ll shoot your eye out.”

Meanwhile, The Old Man finally wins “a major award” from one of his many contest entries: a lamp shaped like a woman’s leg. The Old Man is excited about his prize, insisting the lamp be displayed in their front window, much to his wife’s embarrassment. Eventually, she breaks the lamp while vacuuming, leaving The Old Man fuming. Ralphie later receives a long-awaited Little Orphan Annie decoder pin, only to discover that the secret message at the end of the Little Orphan Annie radio program is just a commercial for Ovaltine.

As Ralphie walks home from school with his friends, Farkas throws a snowball at Ralphie’s face. Already upset about the decoder pin and the low-prospects of receiving the air rifle, something inside Ralphie snaps. He beats Farkas until his nose bleeds and Ralphie’s mother drags away her crying son. Much to Ralphie’s relief, she kindly glosses over the incident during dinner with The Old Man, and he escapes punishment.

Christmas Day arrives, and Ralphie is disappointed about the air rifle… until The Old Man tells him he has one more present to unwrap. The Old Man, as it turns out, had a BB gun when he was young, so he decided Ralphie would be perfectly safe. Ralphie excitedly rushes outside to try it out. With his very first shot, the BB ricochets and hits his glasses, just barely missing his eye. Although the eye is unharmed, he breaks his glasses by stepping on them. Quickly coming up with a story, he wails and tells his mother that an icicle hit him in the eye. Much to Ralphie’s surprise, she believes him, and he escapes punishment again.

Unfortunately, the dogs from next door break into the Parker kitchen and take the Christmas turkey, forcing the family to leave the house for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Blissfully, the spirit of Christmas prevails as night comes. The Old Man and Ralphie’s mother snuggle while watching the falling snow outside their window, and Ralphie snuggles in bed with his Red Ryder Air Rifle.


Who’s Who?

Ralph: The narrator, a grown-up version of Ralphie who is nostalgic about the Christmases of his childhood

Ralphie Parker: A nine-year-old boy with an active imagination and a desire to own the legendary official Red Ryder 200-Shot Carbine Action Ranger Model Air Rifle

Mother: Ralphie’s mother, a June Cleaver-esque woman

The Old Man: Ralphie’s father, who is known for his colorful, nonsensical cursing and his love of entering contests

Randy: Ralphie’s babyish younger brother, prone to picky eating and hiding in unusual places

Miss Shields: Ralphie’s teacher, whom Ralphie hopes will be impressed with his theme paper

Flick: A friend of Ralphie with the worst luck of anybody Ralph has even known, constantly complaining about the bully-inflicted pain in his arm

Schwartz: The friend whom Ralphie blames for teaching him a swear word

Esther Jane Alberry: A fellow classmate who has a crush on Ralphie

Helen Weathers: Esther Jane’s friend, a classmate whose schoolwork rivals the intellectual depth of a college student’s textbook

Scut Farkas: An arm-twisting neighborhood bully

 


Toying with Safety

One of the reasons A Christmas Story is such a constant holiday classic is that people can relate to the childhood desires and fantasies of Ralphie Parker. In fact, the way his mother said no to the Red Ryder 200-Shot Carbine Action Ranger Model Air Rifle reminds me of one particular winter of my childhood.

It was 1996, and I had my eye on the Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kids doll. Its little mouth could make real munching motions as you pushed through plastic snacks such as carrot sticks. Holding my mother’s hand, I innocently asked her for one, and the answer was a resounding “No way.” Apparently, dozens of kids had been injured by getting their fingers and hair caught in the dolls’ mouths, with no way to stop the vicious chomping.

“But I’ll be careful!” I begged. The answer was still no.

Toys are expected to be safe for children to use, especially in today’s age of lawsuits and safety watchdog groups, but there have been many risky toys out there. Sometimes, like the Snacktime doll, there’s a flaw in the design that could end up causing harm. Or, like the Red Ryder Air Rifle, the very concept of the toy lends itself to danger. Here’s a look at a few other instances of toys from the past and present that were a little less than safe.


THE MATTEL RECALLS OF 2007

These particular recalls have been publicized so much in recent years that they’ve become infamous. Mattel recalled over ten million Chinese-made toys because they included lead paint and tiny magnets that could be swallowed. Parents began to be suspicious of any toy with a “Made in China” mark, and the familiar, innocent faces of Barbie, Elmo and other favorites suddenly had the potential to be deadly.

LAWN DARTS

This outdoor game is a cross between darts and horseshoes. The package for lawn darts, also known as “Jarts,” included two targets and four 12-inch-long darts with heavy metal or weighted plastic tips. Ah, picture the joy of children gathering in the backyard and hurling metal spikes through the air. What could possibly go wrong?

After several serious accidents, the United States banned the sale of lawn darts in 1988 and recommended that any remaining games should be destroyed. But, these days Jarts are back on the market with safe rounded plastic tips.

SLIP ‘N SLIDE

This summertime favorite is a perfect example of why the age-range on the side of the box matters. The Slip ‘n Slide is a long yellow sheet of plastic that can be connected to a garden hose. Water sprays across the plastic, and the surface becomes slippery. Voila! Instant water slide fun—but only if you’re a kid. The toy doesn’t work quite as well for adults and teenagers. Being taller and heavier, their bodies have a tendency to abruptly stop mid-slide, which has caused severe neck and back injuries and put a few people in wheelchairs permanently.

GILBERT U-238 ATOMIC ENERGY LAB

In 1950, A.C. Gilbert, the inventor of the erector set, took lab kits to a whole new level with this toy. With a price tag of $50 (which would be around $445 today), the Atomic Energy Lab came with materials that included a Geiger counter, four samples of uranium ore and low-level radioactive materials.

To be fair, there have been no reports of anyone getting hurt from the Atomic Energy Lab. Gilbert writes in his autobiography that M.I.T. and the country’s best physicists had helped develop the kit into a safe educational toy. Yet, there is something that feels a little dangerous about atomic materials in a children’s plaything. People of the “Duck and cover” 1950s era were taught to fear atomic energy when used as a weapon. One could just imagine how Ralphie’s mother might react. Forget “You’ll shoot your eye out.” How about “You’ll blow the country up”?